On moving, friendship, and the things that matter most

Ever since we left DC, I have had almost zero desire to write. I’ve barely journaled, much less blogged (which is problematic since I am an expected contributor for whitneyandjosh.com). And I didn’t cry until Thursday night, but once it started, I sobbed for a good fifteen minutes or longer.

Several thoughts hit me all at once this weekend, when I least expected them.

First, I miss hugging people. I miss being hugged. I realized that there are very few people here that I could legitimately throw myself across a room in a dramatic fashion to embrace. If you know me well, you know that every friend is greeted with a huge hug, whether it’s been a year or an hour since I’ve seen them last. There’s something quite priceless in a hug that I don’t think I have recognized, or truly valued in quite some time.

The second thought that immediately followed did so in the form of a question: “Why do I not hug people here?” The third thought was, “I really, really miss my friends.” And then I began to think about what makes people special to me and why I value friendships as much as I do.

I have been frustrated with myself lately. I’ve been frustrated that I have yet to find close, best friends. And I’ve struggled to figure out why that is the case. It finally dawned on me. A friendship is made of a million little moments, shared experiences, successes, and failures. I’m sure that I knew this before, but in the span of the past five to seven years, I’ve built strong, solid friendships. The kind of friendships that do not just happen and definitely do not happen in three short weeks.

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The Value of Friendship

“Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art, like the universe itself (for God did not need to create). It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival.” C.S. Lewis

I don’t often disagee with C.S. Lewis. I have loved his works since I was really young – beginning with The Chronicles of Narnia at a very young age and slowly absorbing and reabsorbing other works of his like The Screwtape Letters, Mere Christianity, etc. His ideas, illustrations, and imagination have definitely affected the way I view God, Christianity, and love.

However, today I definitely take issue with the quote above. Technically, he is correct. But realistically, not so much. Never do I feel more loved than when a friend, knowing so much about me, my life, and needs, steps in to offer to sacrifice on my behalf. Today I was reminded of the absolutely priceless value of a friend who loves you and of the real need of human beings to have such relationships. There’s really nothing else quite like it in life. The love of family, while also priceless and completely irreplaceable, is quite distinct from the love of a friend. There is no blood tie there, no obligation, no pressure… just love.

I totally agree with Lewis on this point: “Love is not an affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person’s ultimate good as far as it can be obtained.”

Today’s been a really incredible day. I’m learning to rest and I’m also being reminded of all of the incredible people that God has placed in my life to love me, support me, and teach me. I am more than blessed.