I read a great article today entitled “A Wife’s Testing Ground,” by Jen Smidt
She articulates well what I’m only just beginning to learn about the balance between being one with my husband but fully reliant on the Lord. It’s an interestingly complex situation. One particular sentence struck me – “There is no more heart revealing place for a wife than when her husband is vulnerable.” That is so true. When Josh is fearful, I feel afraid. When he seems vulnerable, I feel I am as well. If he’s not leading, I question venturing. If he’s discouraged, I struggle to have faith. I lean on him, I trust him, and often, I expect him to remain steadfast, stable, and strong so that I can be those things as well. However, while there areas of our marriage that Josh can support me in these ways, that’s not ultimately his role. And besides all of that, while he’s an incredible husband, he’ll never be perfect.
Jen makes four critical points that wives must understand in order to not idolize our husbands or place them in position that only Christ can fill:
“If our value is tied to his purity, we will be devastated.
If our security is grounded in his job title, we will be shaken.
If our faith rides the coattails of his, we will find ourselves drowning in unbelief.
If our husband is our rock, we may be crushed by him.”
She says, “God is our Rock and where our hope must lie. The condition of a wife’s heart exposed under the pressure of her husband’s weakness is a glorious opportunity for her to draw near to her Rock and Redeemer. May we take those uncertain moments to pour out confidence in the grace and certainty of Christ to our men. We get to show our husbands that the love of Christ can sustain us both as we hope and pray for them.”
Additionally, “The core of the issue is that steadfast love and commitment in a marriage finds its hope and source in Jesus alone. We cannot expect perfection from our husbands; we can from Christ.”
Wow. In this season of transition for us as a new family, it is more important than ever that I take hold of these words. Josh sins. I sin. Neither of us can perfectly support the other. And we weren’t meant to sustain one another. Instead of allowing fear and uncertainty to crowd my heart, I have to run to the Rock that is higher than either Josh or I. He alone is where our hope lies. He’s our Provider, our Sustainer, and our King. He owns everything. In the face of all uncertainty He, not Josh, is where I must run first. While my husband’s arms are the first place I tend to run when my heart hurts, I need to learn to run to my Father before I even look to Josh.